Racism! The Musical!
by GreenRocketChu
Summary: A new, bold, interesting type of musical. In Racism! The Musical! everyone's a stereotype!
1. Act 1: L'ecole

Racism! The Musical!  
  
Cast of Characters: (Not in any particular order)  
  
Principal Raté: Racist Principal  
  
Rigger: African-American  
  
Hashish:Arabian-American, likes to bomb, not popular  
  
Bystanders:  
  
Bystander 1: A bystander, Jewish  
  
Bystander 2: A bystander, mixed  
  
Autistic Kid's Dirt Bike Gang (Mexicans): Pablo: the leader  
  
José: follower  
  
Rumando: follower  
  
Flandango: sleepy follower  
  
Chinese:  
  
Ching-Chong: brother of Ching-lee  
  
Ching-lee: sister of Ching-Chong, in love with Franco  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Mother of Ching-Chong and Ching-lee, owner of "Happy Sim Sum Ge Lestaulant"  
  
Popular Italian-American Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic:  
  
Vinny: the leader  
  
Franco: Vinny's best friend, a strong guy  
  
Marela: follower  
  
Italians:  
  
Mama: mother of Vinny and Gondola  
  
Papa: father of Vinny and Gondola  
  
Gondola: sister of Vinny  
  
Junior Raté Socially Soviet Segregation Police:  
  
Yuri: head of squad  
  
Yow-ee-ski: lieutenant  
  
Miscellaneous:  
  
Police: the police  
  
Random Crabby Lunch Lady: lunch lady  
  
Act 1: L'ecole  
  
Act 1, scene 1  
  
Enter bystanders:  
  
(Bystanders line up in the lunch line. Each kid salutes when each song verse finishes. They sing in unison)  
  
Schule und Raté uber alles. Uber Alles in der shule. Wenn es shetz zu Schultz und Trutze. Bruderlich suzammen HALT!  
  
When we go...  
  
In that great war... Death and sorrow conquers all! School and Raté over all. Over all in the school...  
  
(Sung)  
  
Bystander 1: I hear the principal is racist.  
  
Bystander 2: Really, really racist?  
  
Bystander 1: And I know I'll get in trouble soon.  
  
Bystander 2: why?  
  
Bystander 1: Because I'm truly in jam. I can't eat ham, and shfitzing 'bout the whole damn thing. When your feeling right in trouble you'd better run on the double away from this awful school. The principal is racist.  
  
All: really, really racist  
  
Bystander 1: And he'll probably get you really soon.  
  
Bystander 2: I'm black and your white. Two? That really makes me shite in our rotten principal's eye. Because the principal is racist.  
  
All: Really Really Racist.  
  
Bystander 1: And he'll get us all really soon.  
  
(Bystander 1 and Bystander 2) Races can't exist, In this crazy mix, Of a curdled racism life! Just don't despair, Nothing's really there, This only a musical!  
  
Bystander 2: So, the principal is racist.  
  
All: really really racist.  
  
Bystander 2: And I'm sure He'll get us really soon.  
  
(Together)  
  
Bystander 1: He'll really get you soon. You can't even swoon –  
  
Background: He's really, really racist. Really, really racist. –  
  
Random Crabby Lunch lady: What's all this Racket? PIPE DOWN.  
  
Enter Autistic Kid's Dirt Bike Gang and Ching-Chong.  
  
Pablo: Stay away from the Autistic Kid's Dirt Bike Gang, Ching-Chong! This gang's not for chinesey people! It's for tough kids, like us Mexicans! Isn't that right, boys?  
  
José: Si.  
  
Rumando: Si.  
  
Flandango: (snoring)  
  
Pablo: (whisper) Psst! Flandango!  
  
Flandango: ...Huh... Oh, sorry, Pablo. I was sleeping. Oh, so sleepy...  
  
Ching-Chong: For the last time, Pablo, I just wanted a spoon from the cafeteria line.  
  
Pablo: Hey! He's insulting us with his stupid Chinesey language again. Let's get him, boys.  
  
José: Si.  
  
Rumando: Si.  
  
Flandango: (snoring)  
  
Pablo: For the last time, Flandango...  
  
Flandango: oh, so sleepy.  
  
Enter Principal Raté.  
  
Principal Raté: What's all this? I can't have this in our school! Mexicans and Chineseys! What's next? You all must go to my office now!  
  
Rigger: Yo, dawg. I'm tripping the hissy to the shissy, 'till you can't stop the drop, yo.  
  
Principal: No... This reeks of MULTICULTUALISM! You there! The sleepy Mexicans, Wendy's worker black, the Mathematician Chinesey. Come to my office!  
  
Pablo: We're not always tired, dude. That's racist, man.  
  
Flandango: (snoring)  
  
Principal Raté: Now.  
  
Exit Autistic Kid's Biking Gang, Ching-Chong, and Rigger.  
  
Principal Raté: That's better. We must keep our races in line. The race for me is White Anglo-Saxon Protestants. Because... (Sings.) I am the rat king, I am the rat king, I'm a deranged man... I am the rat king, I am the rat king, I'm a deranged man... and Ra-ci-ism means, you can hate people. Ra-ci-ism means, you know what I'll show. Ra-ci-ism means, you can hate people. Make 'em burn! 1-2-3-more! (spoken) Ching chang China man, sitting on a fence. Couldn't make a dollar out of fifteen cents. (sung) Ching chang China. Ching ching chang chong. Ching chang China. Ching Ching Chang chong. Ching chang China... Ching ching chang chong, Ching chang CHONG! (spoken) Jews are weird. They make me shiver. To bad they can't eat pork's liver. (laughs) (sung) Oy oy kafkah. Oy oy shalome! Oy oy kafkah. Oy oy shalome. Oy oy kafkah. Oy oy shalome. Oy SHALOME! (spoken) Yo, I look at me, I have a gun. Me and my race are black sc – Oh, no, the drugs are kicking in. I better conclude, or I'll be done in. (sung) Bling...Bling...Getto...Bling, bling blang Blong...Bling Blang Getto... Oy oy shalom... Oy, oy kafkah... Oy oy shalome... OY BLANG CHONG! (spoken) Now to give the students a brief, non-racial talk about violence.  
  
Exit Principal Raté.  
  
Act 1 scene 2  
  
Enter Popular Italian-American Children's Mafia of the Roman Rebublic.  
  
Vinny: Oh, look. Da little Chinesey kids left us with a table.  
  
Marela: Let's getta a pizza. Seeing as we can only take jobs as pizza chefs or organ grinders.  
  
Vinny: Haven't I taught you guys anything?  
  
Franco: Of course not! We're Italian. We don't listen well!  
  
Vinny: No, idiot. You're forgetting the first rule of the Popular Italian- American  
  
Children's Mafia of the Roman Rebublic.  
  
Everyone in the table: What's that, Vinny?  
  
Vinny: (Sings) You're all a disgrace. The Mafia's the place. (spoken) why, you ask? (sung) Stuff every race in a big paper bag! Stuff every race in a big paper bag. I probably don't know what I'm talk'in about, but Stuff every race in a big paper bag! Vinny: money bag, that is.  
  
Marela: Wait. Does mean I should shun every race except for White Anglo- Saxon Protestants?  
  
Vinny: Mama mia! What did I just say? (sings) You know... It never isn't working. My mind isn't twirking. I know what I waaaaaant! MONEY! Just do what I say and I'll make 'em all pay. 'Cause that's the grammatically wrong Italian way!  
  
Franco: What? Are you saying just because people are different they should let us harass them?  
  
Vinny: Why not? Viva Italia! Here comes a sucker now.  
  
Enter Ching-lee.  
  
Vinny: Watch my business skills, ladies. Hello Ching-lee.  
  
Ching-lee: Hi Vinny.  
  
Vinny: (whisper) Watch me make this chinesey girl buy something with my language skills. (bows) (talking) Hewwo, customew. I would like you to buy some chiiiinesey ancient seclet.  
  
Ching-lee: What?  
  
Vinny: Chocolate?  
  
Ching-lee: Okay. How much?  
  
Vinny: Fifty bucks – but, it's a five cent value, like your inferior non- Italian country!  
  
Ching-lee: But that's not fair.  
  
Vinny: We control the chocolate circuit around here, missy. Buy some damned chocolate or else. We're Italian. We know how to rough you up.  
  
Ching-lee: No. Please. I don't have that kind of money.  
  
Marela: I don't think we should try, Vinny. It wouldn't be nice.  
  
Vinny: What?  
  
Marela: (whisper) She's chinesey, stupid! She probably knows Kung-foo or Cha-ra-kee.  
  
Franco: Kung-foo, whatever. All I know is that she's a girl and girls can't fight for mozzarella and bread sticks. I can take her on. Watch me!  
  
Vinny: Okay. Ching-lee, come with us.  
  
(Franco and Vinny carry Ching-lee to the tool shed.)  
  
Vinny: Okay, here's the deal. Pay for your chocolate you asked us for and we kindly supplied you with, or Franco here'll mess you up.  
  
Ching-lee: W-w-why?  
  
Vinny: We're Italian.  
  
Franco: And this is the Popular Italian Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic! We stand for violence and wrong doing for money.... Because I looove... (sings) mooooneeey –.  
  
Vinny: No, I'm the leader of the Popular Italian Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic and only I can sing – or if we do one of those group dance shimmy things, like in the beginning. But, we'd need more people and lights.  
  
Franco: Okay.  
  
Vinny: I'll leave you two alone for now.  
  
Act 1 scene 3  
  
Principal Raté: I see you've all been messing around. What have you got to say for yourselves?  
  
Pablo: We were just having a problem. It's that stupid chinesey's fault.  
  
Rigger: Snap! Man, I just said "yo," and I was put in this un-getto place, homey. What's the dillyo, bro?  
  
Enter bystanders.  
  
Bystander 1: Must we sing the song again?  
  
Rigger: Oh, sorry, no.  
  
Bystander 2: Thank you.  
  
Exit bystanders.  
  
Principal Raté: You kids and your slang today. Do you know the problem with you colored kids and your petty quarrels?  
  
All: huh?  
  
Principal Raté: That's right. You guys might distract the white Anglo- Saxton protestant wasp kids from studying with their superior brains. All except for you, of course, Mr. Ching-Chong.  
  
Ching-Chong: Hey!  
  
Rigger: (sings to himself) 'Cause the principal is racist... Hey, I get the song now. Yeah, your just ra...  
  
Principal Raté: How dare you talk that way to me, Rigger! One more Negro slur of yours and you'll be off to Detention! That goes for the rest of you too.  
  
Flandango: (snoring)  
  
Principal Raté: What's this, Mr. Mexicano? Sleeping on the job, huh?  
  
Flandango: Oh, sorry senior. I'm just so sleepy. So sleepy...  
  
Principal: Oh, my Mormon god! You just said a un-P.C. remark! That's it, I sending you all to permanent colored detention.  
  
(Sings) You see, It's not your face, It's your damned race! Things'll be a lot darned different when you're erased! P.C. rules worlds. It bumbles and curls. Things'll be different when I rule the world! Killing is good. In a homey's hood. Things'll be different when I burn their wood!  
  
Enter Miss Morris.  
  
(Secretary) Miss Morris: Oh my gawd, sir. The tool shed cowwapsed! Two childwen have been trwapped.  
  
Principal: Oh, no! I hid my crac... craps winnings in there! I must get it back so I can obliterate blac... bloopers in the school audio video movie. Come on. If you all help me get my drug... druid peace offerings from the tool shed, I'll nullify all your colored detentions. They're in a big white suitcase. Don't just stand there. Move!  
  
Exit all.  
  
Act 1 scene 4 (tune stolen from "Flower Drum Song.")  
  
Ching-lee: (Buried, on top of Franco) What's happened, Franco?  
  
Franco: What do you think happened? The shed blew. We're buried, dummy.  
  
Ching-lee: What's the matter? Not going to get to get to hit me?  
  
Franco: Shut up! Give me the money!  
  
Ching-lee: We're in mortal danger and you still want me to pay? Could you be more ignorant?  
  
Franco: I'll never get to do anything anymore! Sheesh! I want money.  
  
Ching-lee: In my family, we sing to make things better.  
  
Franco: What kind of chinesey song?  
  
Ching-lee: You never give up. Here. (sings) I'm a real female, female and I know that I can get by In the home of the great survivors... (spoken) Come on, Franco. I'll help you. Like this: (sings) I'm a real female, female... Franco: I'm a real he-male he-male Together: And I know that I will get by  
  
In the home of the great survivors...  
  
I'd love... Ching-lee: Being a girl... Franco: Being a boy... Ching-lee: Liking a boy like you... Franco: Liking a girl like you... (they kiss)  
  
Franco: What was that?  
  
Ching-lee: You like me!  
  
Franco: No I don't!  
  
Ching-lee: "Franco," the first member of the Popular Italian-American Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic to fall madly in love with a "Chinesey girl."  
  
Franco: It was just out of desperation. I hate you.  
  
Ching-lee: Let me show you desperation. (kisses more.)  
  
Sing Together: In home the great survivors... I'd love... Ching-lee: Being a girl... Franco: Being a boy...  
  
Ching-lee: Liking a boy like you... Franco: Liking a girl like you...  
  
Enter bystanders.  
  
Bystander 2: Does he like her?  
  
Bystander 1: Of course he likes her. They're both main protagonists.  
  
Bystander 2: Yup, yup.  
  
Exit bystanders.  
  
Enter Autistic Kid's Dirt Bike Gang, Rigger, and Ching-Chong.  
  
Pablo: Dios Mio! This is hard work. My janitor-style muscles are cramping.  
  
José: Me too, Pablo.  
  
Rumando: Me too, Pablo.  
  
Flandango: (snoring)  
  
Ching-Chong: Who is buried under here, anyway?  
  
Pablo: Eh, dunno. I'm just a speaking Spaniard. I can't think strait. I think it's some Chinesey guy.  
  
Rigger: I naturally assume that I'm muscular. This ain't none hard to do, son. Bling, bling.  
  
Vinny: Oh, how about dat? My favorite labor races are all together. Mexicans, Blacks, and Chineseys.  
  
Ching-Chong: What do you want, Vinny?  
  
Vinny: I want to see what happened to Ching-lee.  
  
Ching-Chong: Ching-lee? My sister?  
  
Vinny: That's for me to know and you to find out. Now, where's the shed.  
  
José: Oh, man, senior, the thing fell down.  
  
Vinny: That must mean Franco's in there! Franco! Franco! Franco!  
  
Rumando: Hey, senior, I think I found something.  
  
(Awakening)  
  
Ching-lee: Franco, we've been found. Wake up!  
  
Franco: Ching-lee, your right! Hooray! Viva Italia!  
  
Vinny: Franco! Franco! Franco! It's Franco! Franco! Franco! What happened? Why didn't you beat her up?  
  
Franco: Good question.  
  
Ching-lee: Let's celebrate, Franco! You invite your friends, I'll invite mine.  
  
Franco: Go away. Never and not today.  
  
Ching-lee: Why do you spur me away?  
  
Franco: You didn't pay.  
  
Pablo: You two are like tela novellas. My mama watches these after her box of Spanish licker. Everything rhymes when you've drank too much wine.  
  
Flandango: (snoring)  
  
Ching-lee: I understand. Goodbye, Franco.  
  
Exit Ching-lee and Ching-Chong.  
  
José: No! Franco don't leave her!  
  
Flandango: What happened? So sleepy...  
  
Pablo: Hey I found the suitcase! What? It's full of mama's "health bars."  
  
José: Okay, man, let's go the principal and get out of here.  
  
Pablo: Good idea. Let's go.  
  
Flandango: Oh, man. I gotta stop doing pot.  
  
Exit Autistic Kid's Bike Gang.  
  
Vinny: Let's go too. I have an Italian based dessert with your name on it at home.  
  
Franco: You go first. I'll catch up with you. I to... you know... do something that has to do with money or beating kids up today.  
  
Vinny: Okay. Bye, Franco!  
  
Exit Vinny.  
  
Franco: I don't quite know what happened in that wreckage, but... I'm sorry, Ching-lee. People can't love outside their own race... (sings) I'm a real he-male he-male. And I know that love will prevail... In the home of the great survivors... I'd love... Being a boy liking a girl like you...  
  
Exit Franco. 


	2. Act 2: C'est n'exist pas

Act 2: C'est n'existe pas.  
  
Act 2, scene 1 (Outside "Happy Sim Sum Ge Lestaulant")  
  
Enter bystanders.  
  
Bystander 2: So, how come Franco pushed Ching-lee off like that?  
  
Bystander 1: Easy. He doesn't think he can like a Chinese girl because there's so many little disputes against the Italian-Americans, at least the Italian-Americans from Little Italy and Chinese-Americans.  
  
Bystander 2: Oh yeahhh. But, why doesn't he just, like, not listen to that taboo racial stuff?  
  
Bystander 1: Shh! Don't give away the plot!  
  
Bystander 1: Oh, right.  
  
Exit Bystanders.  
  
Enter Hong Kong Connie.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Evelyday's the same thing! Wook and Cook! Wook and Cook! At The Laundly mat/Chinese Lestaulant as all us Chinese do, of cowse. This is unfaiw to my kind! I shouldn't wook! Back in China I didn't have to wook. I was poe and dying. Oh, those wewe the good old days.  
  
Enter Ching-Chong and Ching-lee.  
  
Ching-Chong: Hiya, Mom.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Have you fowgotten yow Chinese?  
  
Ching-lee: Of course, not, Mom!  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Then why didn't you wespond to me in Chinese?  
  
Ching-Chong: This is America. A-MER-I-CA.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Hey. Did I laise you two up to be Amewicans.  
  
Ching-Chong: Yeah, remember? .The talk about being American and to renounce our heritage to be accepted in the new world?  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Huh? I neveh lemembewed saying that.  
  
Ching-lee: You said it this morning.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Want some poke-flied lice?  
  
Ching-Chong and Ching-lee: No thank you.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: You don't want no poke-fwied lice? That's against your helitage! lemembew, you can't fowget, that. (sings)  
  
Background: Hong Kong Connie! Hong Kong Connie: I make poke-fried lice fow you. Background: Hong Kong Connie! Hong Kong Connie: Better eat it while it stews. You can't fowget your helitage or yow life wouldn't be twue! Background: Hong Kong Connie! Hong Kong Connie: I make poke-flied lice fow you. Background: Hong King Connie! Hong Kong Connie! Hong Kong Connie.! Hong Kong Connie: Little Chinese boy go school, ealwy in the mowning. He fowgot his helitage and died died died. Die die die. You fowget yow helitage and die! Die die die. I'm Chinese and I lie! Die die die. You like flied? Die die die. You fowget yow helitage and dieeee! (spoken) Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee. Do you get why yow helitage so impowtant now?  
  
Ching-Chong: yeah, sure.  
  
Ching-lee: Mom?  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Yes, Ching-lee?  
  
Ching-lee: What do you think of Italian boys?  
  
Hong Kong Connie: NEVEH! NEVEH! MAGOW! MAGOW!  
  
Ching-lee: W-what?  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Solly. My chinese child tlama ploblems wewe acting up again. What did you say, honey?  
  
Ching-lee: nothing.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Okay! Oh, look at the time. I have to get back to the Laundly mat/Chinese Lestaulant. Good bye, childs! Stay away from diffelent people. They can suwpass you!  
  
Exit Hong Kong Connie.  
  
Ching-lee: We have got to get mom away from that soy sauce.  
  
Ching-Chong: Yeah. Is it time to go to Chinese school again?  
  
Ching-lee: Yup, in about five minutes. We have to keep our heritage going, or mom'll try to kill herself.  
  
Ching-Chong: Aye-ah!  
  
Act 1 scene 2  
  
(school again)  
  
Enter Hashish.  
  
Hashish: We must bomb the school! Bomb it! Come, stand together! We've got to do it because of tyranny and deceit! Long live what's-his-name! Who can pronounce his name? He's Arabian! (sings) You shall come and die! You shall come and die! Suppose you your American things? You shall come and die! You shall come and die! These are just material things. You shall come and die! You shall come and die! I am really high! You shall come and die! You shall come and die! You're not my Spanish friend. That means your actions are FALSE!  
  
Enter Principal Raté.  
  
Principal Raté: Come here, Hashish.  
  
Hashish: No! It's the man, Raté! He's going to use his fat-cat, American rights!  
  
Principal Raté: No one likes you. If I throw you in colored detention, my popularity will be boosted. Bye-bye!  
  
Enter Bystanders.  
  
Principal Raté: Take him away.  
  
Hashish: (being dragged away by bystanders) No! I can't help it. I MUST bomb something! I'll go crazy insane if I don't!  
  
Principal Raté: Quickly. I have a klue klux - mystery convention coming up in an hour and I can't miss it! They need my illegal fags - bags of legal fire fighter. badges.  
  
Hashish: This is not the end of Hashish! I'll get in every nook and cranny and find a way to make. what's-his-name known! He's Arabian, who can say his name or cares? Whoooooo?. (dragged off stage)  
  
Exit Hashish and bystanders.  
  
Enter Ching-lee, Franco, and Vinny.  
  
(Ching-lee organizing locker. Vinny hides.)  
  
Franco: Believe me, Ching-lee. I'm sorry!  
  
Ching-lee: What? Do I hear a organ grinder?  
  
Franco: It's just that.  
  
Ching-lee: What? You're Italian and I'm Chinese?  
  
Franco: Yeah!  
  
Ching-lee: Go away.  
  
Franco: Hey, just because I have classic stereotypical desires to eat pizza and work in an organized crime-based organization, that doesn't mean I'm bad.  
  
Ching-lee: You DO work in an organized crime-based organization and you ARE eating a slice of pizza.  
  
Franco: Mama mia! You're right! But, anyway, I still remember that time we had. Wouldn't you want to, like do something after school?  
  
Ching-lee: I don't know.  
  
Franco: Come on. Please? For my sake?  
  
Ching-lee: Okay. For you.  
  
Franco: Thanks, you won't regret it!  
  
Ching-lee: I'm sure of it. (kisses Franco on the cheek)  
  
Exit Ching-lee.  
  
Vinny: I see you've got the girl! Now we'll really make her pay for not paying for chocolate!  
  
Franco: Yeah! But what are you going to do to her, boss?  
  
Vinny: The one thing Chineseys hate most.  
  
Franco: What's that?  
  
Vinny: Railroads.  
  
Franco: what?  
  
Vinny: That's right. Railroads. We'll make her work on my little Italian- based sister's train set! She'll be hammering away and in her place, like all of those low-browed factory workers! Now, lets dance!  
  
(Italian Music comes out. All dance off stage.)  
  
Act 2 scene 3.  
  
Enter Principal Raté.  
  
Principal Raté: Ms. Morris?  
  
Ms. Morris: Yes, Pwincipal Waté?  
  
Principal Raté: Fetch me the files.  
  
Ms. Morris: Which files?  
  
Principal Raté: the ones that say "Project: Franticly Alienate all the Races with Tretchery" or "F.A.R.T" for short.  
  
Ms. Morris: Oh yeyeah, Pwincipal Waté. Hewe it is. The one with the stab mawks.  
  
Principal Raté: They all will know my fears will be known. They'll be gone, each and everyone. All those Iraqis, Jews, Blacks, Chinese, Mexicans, and any other race that makes it harder for White Anglo-Saxton Protestants to live with their cultures! (maniacal laugh)  
  
Ms. Morris: Oh my gawd! I almost fowgot! Hewe's your medicine.  
  
Principal Raté: ah. that good cocai. I mean. uh. sugar cane.. For my Alzheimer's. Now leave, Ms. Morris! I have work to do.  
  
Ms. Morris: Okay, Pwincipal.  
  
Exit Ms. Morris.  
  
Principal Raté: Now that she's gone. I can safely say my plan in a brief song-based soliloquy. Color is good and color is fine. You can pick colored people off of vines.  
  
(Doorbell)  
  
Enter Ms. Morris and Governor Sandpaper.  
  
Ms. Morris: Oh my gawd! Oh my gawd! The Govewnow is hewe!  
  
Principal Raté: Hello, Governor Sandpaper. Governor Sandpaper: Yes, yes. Hello.  
  
Principal Raté: Goodbye Ms. Morris.  
  
Ms. Morris: Okay, okay Pwincipal Raté! I hope to see you latew, Govewnow.  
  
Exit Ms. Morris.  
  
Governor Sandpaper: Raté! You know what I need!  
  
Principal Raté: I have a lot of things.  
  
Governor Sandpaper: THE DRUGS! I NEED THEM!  
  
Principal Raté: What will you give me in return?  
  
Governor Sandpaper: ANYTHING! This is your doing, Raté! If I wasn't addicted I'd turn you in!  
  
Principal Raté: I want a little law passed. (hands Governor Sandpaper a piece of paper.)  
  
Governor Sandpaper: What's this? This is preposterous!  
  
Principal Raté: (sings) Would you like to kill? Would you brake? Would you like to hate? Then just sep-ar-ate. Nullify, liquefy, punish and or brake! This is how you do it. You won't ever need hate. Just separate your races and you'll know you've found. That special place where trouble never ever makes. Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! That is how you do, it's very, very opaque Just separate those races and you'll what you've found. Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! It's that special feeling that they all hate! It's putting down the races that aren't doing well, 'cause, Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! It's really, really simple, you can't ever shake. Just, Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! When you've found that place where people are put down, it's Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! HATE!  
  
Governor Sandpaper: Alright.  
  
Principal Raté: Good, good. You're a good man, Mr. Sandpaper.  
  
Governor Sandpaper: No. I used to be a good man.  
  
Exit all.  
  
Act 2 scene 4  
  
Enter bystanders.  
  
Bystander 1: Oy! Kindala! Sfvitz! So, y'see, 'cause Governor Sandpaper got addicted to Principal Raté's drugs, he passed a law that segregates the races in schools.  
  
Bystander 2: I see. So, I should even be here?!  
  
Bystander 1: Oh, yeah, that's right, you're a neg -  
  
Enter Junior Raté Socially Soviet Segregation Police.  
  
Yuri: Look-ski! Two bystanders are together. Ski!  
  
Bystander 2: Oh no! It's the new Junior Raté Socially Soviet Segregation Police!  
  
Yow-ee-ski: Da, ski. We are. SKI! You two look pretty about within 20 meters of each other. That goes against the Governor's new law-ski! You'll have a lot of time to be together. In Permanent Mandatory Colored Detention for Colored People, like you two, ski!  
  
Bystander 1: No! We didn't do anything wrong! We were simply making a plot synopsis as an introduction, like most of the scenes in this musical!  
  
Yuri: Da. Da. That's what they all, ski, say, ski. Da. Da. Da. Niet. Niet. Niet. You American fools and your inferior government-ski. This is why are country is starving to death. Ski.  
  
Bystander 2: What? Our country and your country's starving doesn't have anything to do with our country's government.  
  
Yow-ee-ski: Comunism rules-ski! Hail Lenin! Hail Len. oh whatever. I always say stupid stuff-ski, because I'm Russian-ski. No one can understand us- ski. Da?  
  
Yuri. Da.  
  
Yow-ee-ski: Da?  
  
Yuri: Da.  
  
Yow-ee-ski: Da?  
  
Yuri: DA! Okay, lets take them away-ski. Russian dancing style-ski!  
  
Yow-ee-ski: Da! ("Peter and the Wolf" music starts. They start dancing.)  
  
Bystander 1: Raté! You'll get your just desserts! I know it!  
  
Exit all.  
  
Enter Ching-lee, Franco, and Vinny. (Vinny hides.)  
  
Franco: Here's the place.  
  
Ching-lee: But this is in Little Italy. Don't you think we might be in danger?  
  
Franco: Noway! You've got me on your side, hon.  
  
Ching-lee: Thank you. (Enter into Vinny's house.)  
  
Vinny: NOW! Go get 'em, guys! For Italia!  
  
Enter Marela, Gondola, and random members of the Popular Italian-American Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic.  
  
Marela: Long time no see, Ching-lee. Hey that rhymes! Long-time. see. Ching- lee. (laughs.)  
  
Gondola: Vinny, who's that with Franco?  
  
Vinny: (enthusiastic voice) Dat's the day female day laborer that's going to help you with your train set! That's what she was born to do!  
  
Gondola: Yipee! Fun! Fun! Fun!  
  
Vinny: Good. Now, it's time to show your allegiance to the Popular Italian- American Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic. Hit her.  
  
Franco: W-why?  
  
Vinny: Because you didn't get to do it to her before.  
  
Franco: Alright. (whispers) sorry, Ching-lee. (punches Vinny and runs.)  
  
Exit Franco.  
  
Vinny: Fraco! No! Darn that boy. I knew he liked you! Prepare to feel the wrath of the.  
  
Ching-lee: (Sitting down with Gondola.) Trains! Yay! I'm great at trains, of course. Here's how you set up the tracks.  
  
Vinny: That's it! You've stayed your welcome. (grabs Ching-lee by the shoulder.)  
  
Gondola: No! She's my train builder-upper. I want her to stay.  
  
Vinny: Okay! Mama mia! Blasted brat sister. This isn't over! Not by a long shot. Come on, guys. Let's find that traitor, Franco.  
  
Exit Popular Italian-American Chlidren's Mafia of the Roman Republic.  
  
(Fast forward to the evening. Darken. Spot light on Ching-lee.)  
  
Ching-lee: Would you like us to be friends forever?  
  
Gondola: Yeah!  
  
Ching-lee: Okay then just. (whisper sounds.)  
  
Gondola: What?  
  
Ching-lee: Oh, sorry. That was just the whisper talk. (sings) When the moon shines, the deck rhymes and all is not well.. You can always tell me. Frog cracks, Nigg's rap. all is not well, just huddle by me and tell me. Moon shines. deck rhymes.. To no avail. Just tell me and give me hope. Moon shines.  
  
Gondola: deck rhymes.  
  
Ching-lee: and all is not well.  
  
(Unision) Tell me. Tell me. Your. Secret spells.  
  
Enter Franco from the window.  
  
Ching-lee: Franco! What are you doing here? The Popular Italian-American Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic is looking for you!  
  
Franco: I know. I want to get you back to where you were before. When I wasn't there to be a burden.  
  
(Spotlight on Franco and Ching-lee.) Sings Unison with and Franco Ching-lee: Loves comes in many forms but not enough for me Love comes in hills and toys, but not enough for me This love inside, This magical feeling, Must take up atleast three songs, But I know that it'll never be wrong. 'Cause our musical can ring. 'Cause I know the hearts will ring I know the niggs will bling. And most of all, I know that love can sing!  
  
Ching-lee: (alone) I'm a strictly female female.  
  
Franco: (alone) I'm a strictly hemale hemale.  
  
Unison: And I know that love can prevail (happy) In the home of the great survivors, I'd love being (Franco) a guy liking a (Ching-lee) girl like (Ching-lee) me!  
  
Franco: You know what we should do?  
  
Ching-lee: Buy lo-main?  
  
Franco: No. We should elope!  
  
Ching-lee: What's that?  
  
Franco: It's like running away, only more romantic. Come on, let's go!  
  
Ching-lee: Okay! We're kids living in the 1940's. How hard could it be?  
  
Gondola: Can I come too?  
  
Ching-lee: Good lice, no! It's not for little children it's for bigger children, like us!  
  
Gondola: Please? You said we'd be friends forever, Ching-lee! Franco: Let her come. Why not? Isn't she precious?  
  
Ching-lee: But won't you miss your mother or father?  
  
Gondola: My mama and papa are over there on the couch.  
  
Mama: Goodbye, little girl! Yay! More money for me in Papa's will!  
  
Papa: Goodbye, little girl! Oh, no you won't! I'll take it to my grave! I'm a little Italian. I'm the Papa!  
  
(Start fighting in Italian.)  
  
Ching-lee: Maybe you should come with us.  
  
Gondola: Yay!  
  
Exit Ching-lee, Franco and Gondola holding hands. Exit Mama and Papa 


	3. Act 3: Vous etes mal, Raté!

Act 3: Vous etes mal, Raté!  
  
Enter Hong Kong Connie, Ching Chong, and Principal Raté.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Whewe is my daughtew?! This is vely bad fow business! Vely bad. like evelything else I do in the business wold!  
  
Principal Raté: I don't know what you're talking about, madam.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Don't play stupid with me! I know it must have been you! You and yow dru -  
  
Principal Raté: Verbally assaulting me is a public offense, now, miss. Good day to you.  
  
Enter Junior Raté Socially Soviet Segregation Police.  
  
Yuri: Da-ski. Is this woman giving you trouble, Leni - I mean Principal? Ski.  
  
Principal Raté: Yes. Take her away.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: You can't take me to Colowed Detention! I adultewlate fow cash because my husband's still in China. I mean because I'm a glown woman!  
  
Principal Raté: Oh, yes I can. It's all here in the new law. If you don't like it. I could arrange for you to be, oh let's say. DEPORTED BACK TO CHINA!  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Yow insane, Laté!  
  
Principal Raté: Not insane. just Racist! (sings) R-A-S-T, RACIST! R-A-S-T, RACIST! You really don't what I'm about? It's really, really, simple, there's no need to shout, Just listen up really good and. R-A-S-T, RACIST! R-A-S-T, RACIST! (Puts on a small mustache, marches, nazi salute [same as in first song]) Deutschland! Deutschland! Uber alles! Uber alles in der welt! (Takes off hat and stops marching and saluting) OY OY OY! CHING CHANG CHONG! OY OY OY! BLING BLANG BLONG! R-A-S-T, RACIST! R-A-S-T, RACIST! There really isn't must I like talking about. You see, I am a meager member a school system. R-A-S-T, RACIST! R-A-S-T, RACIST! It's a hell of a way!  
  
I think that sums up our appointment, Ms. Connie. Hope you like my facilities. Bye, bye.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: You haven't heard the last of HONG KONG CONNIEEEE (struggles) EEEE! VELLY BAD FOW BUSINESS!!.  
  
Principal Raté: Good, good. Now where's Ms. Morris?  
  
Exit Hong Kong Connie and the Junior Raté Socially Soviet Segregation Police.  
  
Act 3 scene 2 (Darken a bit. Tune stolen from "Mary Poppins")  
  
Enter Autistic Kid's Bike Gang, Hashish, Rigger, Ching-Chong and the bystanders.  
  
Pablo: Dios Mio! They put us in this jail because someone was mixed! I'm looking at you, hombre (Frandango!) Speak, speak! Quite dumb?  
  
Flandango: (snoring)  
  
Pablo: Okay. We have to find a way to get out of here!  
  
José: How about we dig a tunnel using weed? Come on? That would be cool.  
  
Pablo: No! We made one last year. You just ended up smoking it. Remember?  
  
José: Uh. No. Gotta sleep now! (snoring)  
  
Pablo: As I was saying, anyone with a normal idea?  
  
Rumando: Do drugs or go to sleep? Oh yeah, or be a drain on society?  
  
Pablo: No. Anyone else?  
  
Rigger: Son! That Raté gave me one look and put me here. Yo, dawg, that ain't getto. Yo! Represent!  
  
Hashish: Be quiet, Rigger. Hashish has a good idea. Bomb him! Bomb him all! I am Hashish.  
  
Pablo: That's a great idea, but we hate you somehow. Next.  
  
Ching-Chong: I know! Let's steal all the sweet 'n' sour pork from the cafeteria. It'll be very bad for business. Then we could do math problems and work on model train sets. And then, when we really -  
  
Pablo: I keep telling you. You can't join the Autistic Kid's Dirt Bike Gang!  
  
Ching-Chong: But I was wasn't. Nevermind.  
  
(Offstage) Hong Kong Connie: I have a bettew idea. Fight Laté's only weakness.  
  
All: What's that?  
  
(Offstage) Hong Kong Connie: Haven't you noticed how he likes to distance himself flom othew laces?  
  
Pablo: Laces?  
  
(Offstage) Hong Kong Connie: Yes! Laces! Yow flom the Spanish lace!  
  
Rumando: We're not shoes, stupid. We're just autistic.  
  
(Offstage) Hong Kong Connie: Whatevew! What I'm tlying to say is, the way to defeat Laté is to use yow ethnic powews.  
  
All: (Sing) Super-Dosage-Tabloidistic-Cesspool-Ali-Do-Shus, Even if you look at us, it's something quite atrocious. Super-Dosage-Tabloidistic-Cesspool-Ali-Do-Shus Super-Dosage-Tabloidistic-Cesspool-Ali-Do-Shus! Bum diddle diddle bum diddle eye Bum diddle diddle bum diddle eye Bum diddle diddle bum diddle eye Bum diddle diddle bum diddle eye  
  
Pablo, José, and Rumando: We can do drugs quite well it's something not important. Even if we tried to quit we'd just do cocaine. Super-Dosage-Tabloidistic-Cesspool-Ali-Do-Shus Super-Dosage-Tabloidistic-Cesspool-Ali-Do-Shus! Drug smuggle smuggle dumb diddle eye Drug smuggle smuggle dumb diddle eye Drug smuggle smuggle dumb diddle eye Drug smuggle smuggle dumb diddle eye  
  
Flandango: (wakes up and shouts [interrupting]) I can stereotype myself! (snoring)  
  
Bystander 1: Look at me! I'm quite a spree of Jewish information! I want the United States to be a perfect Jewish Nation! Super-Dosage-Tabloidistic-Cesspool-Ali-Do-Shus Super-Dosage-Tabloidistic-Cesspool-Ali-Do-Shus! I have a menorah bum diddle eye I have a menorah bum diddle eye I have a menorah bum diddle eye I have a menorah bum diddle eye  
  
Bystander 2: (interrupting) I'm terribly understated! I don't talk much either!  
  
Rigger: Everyone knows why I am called Rigger.  
  
All: Is it because you're. um. a Stiupid nige -  
  
Rigger: That's right! Because I rig things! Um. Super-Dosage-Tabloidistic-Cesspool-Ali-Do-Shus! Rig rappa rappa dumb diddle bling Rig rappa rappa dumb diddle bling Rig rappa rappa dumb diddle bling Rig rappa rappa dumb diddle bling  
  
Hashish: (Indian music) BOMBS EVERYWHERE!  
  
All: Uh. Bum diddle diddle bum diddle eye Bum diddle diddle bum diddle eye Bum diddle diddle bum diddle eye Bum diddle diddle bum diddle eye  
  
Ching-Chong: I can build a wall like no other can! Even if there's no cement I can use. yams! Super-Dosage-Tabloidistic-Cesspool-Ali-Do-Shus Super-Dosage-Tabloidistic-Cesspool-Ali-Do-Shus!  
  
All: Super-Dosage-Tabloidistic-Cesspool-Ali-Do-Shus!  
  
(Offstage) Hong Kong Connie: Good, good. Now use yow powews! Go, my childwen!  
  
Exit all.  
  
Act 3 Scene 2  
  
Enter Popular Italian American Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic.  
  
Vinny: Useless! They escaped. and with my sister too. I should have listened to what mama said and quit this life of crime and become an pizza chef.  
  
Mama: No, papa! It's my gold now.  
  
Papa: No, it's my gold! It's not bene! (argues in Italian)  
  
Vinny: Maybe all this social climbing and crime isn't good for me.  
  
Mama: Unhand my Mama's antique vase!  
  
Papa: No way! You say that everyday and everyone knows I bought it at a smuggling convention! (argues in Italian)  
  
Vinny: All Franco and Ching-lee wanted to do was be together and I didn't let them.  
  
Papa: Oh, ho! Now you're the thief!  
  
Mama: No! It's my gold now! I just wait for you to die! (argues in Italian)  
  
Vinny: Yes, I see it! A new era in Racial History, where everyone has the choice to - (Mama accidentally hits Vinny with a vase. He collapses.)  
  
Papa: Oh, now look what you did! Our only male is dead!  
  
Mama: Ooo! We get life insurance!  
  
Papa: Mama mia! Bene! Bene! (Italian music. They dance in circles.)  
  
Exit Mama and Papa.  
  
Enter Franco Ching-lee, and Gondola. Franco: Vinny!  
  
Vinny: Is that you? Franco?  
  
Franco: Yes. I'm here! And you're sister and.  
  
Vinny: Ching-lee?  
  
Franco: Yes, but please, don't be mad at us. We just wanted to come back to make sure our friends knew we were safe.  
  
Vinny: Ah, I see. I can't go on like this, Franco. This life of crime and sadness. I realize, now, more than anytime in my life, that everyone's different. No matter who or what you are doesn't determine what kind of person you are.  
  
Franco: Rest now!  
  
Vinny: No. Not until I make amends for my awful ways. Take the money I stored in that box of biscotti. It'll get you to where ever you need to go. People can't accept diversity in this neighborhood. I wish you the greatest happiness. You have shown me the light. Because. (Sings) Everyone is different. You don't even need to ask. Scoff every racist They shouldn't even brag. Because there's more to us  
  
Ching-lee, Franco, and Gondola: More to us.  
  
Vinny: Than you think. The journey up ahead Is a long and arduous one Don't even think about. The simple things that come. I used to stuff every race in a big paper bag I thought that bad stuff never happened to the society lags It's not as simple as you think Don't blink! I thought that racial diversity was something of the past! It never occurred to me that I was blast.ed . uh . Wrong. It never really fit me I won't ever need to be.. A racist anymore.  
  
Ching-lee, Franco, and Gondola: A racist anymore.  
  
Vinny: For meee! For meeee! (spoken) Good bye, guys. Have a nice life. (collapses again.)  
  
(crying)  
  
Franco: I don't understand. Why'd he go so quickly. and Now?  
  
Ching-lee: Don't worry, Vinny. We'll honor you and raise your sister to be as . um. er. kindhearted as you would have been.  
  
Gondola: Brother!  
  
Franco: You heard what he said. No one would understand us here. We'd better go.  
  
All: Good bye.  
  
Exit Franco, Ching-lee, and Gondola.  
  
Vinny: Hey! Just because I fatd away and collapse doesn't mean I'm dead! My mom just hit me with a friggin vase!  
  
Enter Mama and Papa.  
  
Papa: Hey Mama! Lookit the new gun I bought with the insurance money!  
  
(Cut the lights. Loud gunshot sound.)  
  
Exit all.  
  
Act 3 scene 3.  
  
Principal Raté: Morris! Where are you?  
  
Hong Kong Connie: (in a crude copy of Ms. Morris' outfit.) Oh, ovew hewe, Plincipal Laté.  
  
Principal Raté: Ah, good. There you are. Hey. There's something different about you and I can't place my racist fingers on it.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Uh. Diffelent? How so?  
  
Principal Raté: Oh, yes! I see. You've gained a couple of pounds, right?  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Ah, yes. How. observant of you.  
  
Principal Raté: Yes, well, I was the most observant in school. I saw how the Indians wanted to sell lemonade for profit, so I quickly and swiftly put their stands on fire and salted the ashes. Then I danced around it, mocking their culture. Of course, I just assumed they were Indians, 'cause they looked funny, but still, I never gave a hoot to proximity, eh Ms. Morris.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Ah ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Dlole, Plincipal, dlole.  
  
Enter Marela.  
  
Marela: Principal Raté.  
  
Principal Raté: Yes, young lady?  
  
Marela: I'd like to have a few days off. I have to go to my friend's funeral.  
  
Principal Raté: A few days? That's mutiny! You'll have to go to permanent colored detention!  
  
Marela: No! But my best friend died! How can you send me there?  
  
Principal Raté: I don't care. The governor will do anything for me now!  
  
Marela: Please! Feel some compassion!  
  
Enter Junior Raté Socially Soviet Segregation Police.  
  
Principal Raté: Take her away.  
  
Yuri and Yow-ee-ski: Da-ski.  
  
Exit Marela and the Junior Raté Socially Soviet Segregation Police.  
  
(Offstage) Pablo: It's time for your end, Raté!  
  
Principal Raté: Who's there?  
  
(Offstage) Hashish: You know! It's the people you shunned!  
  
Principal Raté: No. No! You all can't be.  
  
(Desk blows up)  
  
Principal Raté: (girly scream) Who are you people?  
  
(Offstage)Ching-Chong: You remember us! We're those who you've wronged with your bad ways.  
  
Principal Raté: Oh my Mormon god, no!  
  
Bystander 2: That's right! Look outside your window.  
  
(There's a riot with sticks and fire)  
  
Principal Raté: What's all this? I don't have to do anything about this! Your just children! What weapon do you have?  
  
Enter Bystander 1, Ching-Chong, Hashish, Rigger, and Pablo, with fire.  
  
Bystander 1: Oyyyy! Shfitz! Kosher! Good value!!! (keep going)  
  
Principal Raté: No! Ahh!  
  
Ching-Chong: Sweet Sour pork? You want? Good price! (keep going)  
  
Principal Raté: (girly scream)  
  
Hashish: Boo!  
  
Principal Raté: (shock)  
  
Rigger: Bling, son! Dawg! Bliiiing! (keep going)  
  
Principal Raté: Gah!  
  
Pablo: (goes to sleep and snores.)  
  
Principal Raté: (girly scream and fit.)  
  
(They keep going.)  
  
Principal Raté: You're all crazy! I know, it's time for the W.A.S.P's secret weapon! (takes out gaudy clothes) Look! Yellow pants! Who the heck is cheap enough to wear yellow pants? And look - I'm wearing a gray tweed jacket!  
  
All: Ahhh! No! He's blinding us with the cheap gaudiness of the W.A.S.P. race!  
  
Principal Raté: Yellow, green, pink, brown, tan, grey, and blue! All the colors of the wasp rainbow. Ha! No one can stop me now.  
  
Enter Vinny and random members of the Popular Italian-American Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic.  
  
Vinny: Freeze, Raté!  
  
Principal Raté: Stand back, I have ill-matched colors!  
  
Vinny: That doesn't work on us, Stupid. Us Ities don't ever wear normal clothes.  
  
Principal Raté: You. You inferior wops. Mr. Vinny, I thought you were dead!  
  
Vinny: Just because the lights go out and there's a gunshot doesn't mean I'm dead!  
  
Principal Raté: Quiet! Don't complain and don't explain.  
  
Vinny: Get him boys! (Italian music starts. They dance in a circle around him.)  
  
Principal Raté: Ahh! Ms. Morris, Help me!  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Solly, Plincipal, I'm not really Ms. Mollis. (Rips off outfit.) I'm actually Hong Kong Connie!  
  
Principal Raté: Hong Kong Connie?  
  
Hong Kong Connie: That's light! Hong Kong Connie of the FBI! And you're under allest Laté - oh should I say Nasty Dlug Smugglew Numbew Five?  
  
Principal Raté: How did you know?  
  
Hong Kong Connie: The govelnew tuwned himself in and confessed about you and your little dlug schemes!  
  
Principal Raté: That traitor!  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Take him away, boys.  
  
Enter police.  
  
Principal Raté: No! This isn't how I shall end! You'll see! I'll find a way to make the KK - KFC known! You'll all see! (sings) Racism! Racism! You really gotta see me! I'm awfully, awfully steamy -  
  
(Offstage) Crabby Random Lunch Lady: Shaddup!  
  
Principal Raté: (jumps in a police man's arms) Crazy Neeeeeegggrrr -  
  
(the police drag Principal Raté away)  
  
Exit Police and Principal Raté.  
  
Enter Marela, José, Rumando, Flandango, and Bystander 2.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: You see what we've all learned from this, don't you?  
  
Flandango: That everyone is different and there should be more social acceptance in the world?  
  
Hong Kong Connie: No, silly. Tuesday is mahjong day at my lestaulant and you should all go. You can have shark fin soup. Velly good fow business. And.  
  
(Sings)  
  
All: No one's perfect! That is a fact! Everyone should like each other No matter if their black! These things are different sorts, but Don't give a fuss These things never ever bust!  
  
Hashish: No wait everyone! I've decided to become a hippie now! I've figured out that you don't need bombs to get what you want. You just need to push your will over everyone. It's that simple! Now, let's all join hands and sing a good old-fashioned hippie song.  
  
(Hold hands together, swaying and singing.)  
  
All: okay!  
  
(sings) How many men must a man step on? Before you can call him a Jap? The answer my friend, Is blowing up Vietnam, The answer is blowing up Vietnam! And how many fakes must the wild gook make, Before you massacre everyone? The answer my friend, Is blowing up Vietnam, The answer is blowing up Vietnam! How many men must a man walk on? Before you can call him a Jap? The answer my friend, Is blowing up Vietnam, The answer is blowing up Vietnam.  
  
Exit all.  
  
Act 3, scene 4 (Train station)  
  
Enter Ching-lee, Franco, and Gondola.  
  
Ching-lee: I think this is the train to California. Hurry up, Franco!  
  
Franco: Okay. So, will you miss your family?  
  
Ching-lee: Yes, terribly. You?  
  
Franco: Yes.  
  
Ching-lee: How about you, Gondola?  
  
Enter Mama and Papa. Papa: Look! The getaway train! We have to dodge those nasty social workers, right mama?  
  
Mama: Yes. Look, papa, there it is now!  
  
Exit Mama and Papa.  
  
Gondola: Ching-lee, would you be my new Mama?  
  
Ching-lee: Uh. Okay, dear.  
  
Railroad man: All aboard! All aboard!  
  
Franco: That's us! Hurry!  
  
Enter Hong Kong Connie, Ching-Chong, The Autistic Kid's Dirt Bike Gang, Rigger, Hashish, and Vinny.  
  
All: Wait!  
  
Ching-Chong: Guys, don't leave!  
  
Ching-lee, Franco, and Gondola: Why?  
  
Vinny: You see, as a result of smart thinking and incorrect stereotypes, Principal Raté is no more.  
  
Franco: But, how do we know that we just won't be hated?  
  
Vinny: We've all seen the errors of our ways.  
  
Ching-lee: Huh?  
  
Pablo: This is an upbeat musical. We have to do that.  
  
Ching-lee: Oh!  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Aren't you glad you're near your friends?  
  
Franco: Wait, that's not true. I've never met Rigger, Hashish, or any of the Autistic Kid's Dirt Bike Gang. At least in this musical.  
  
All: Shhh!  
  
Franco: Oh right.  
  
Hong Kong Connie: Like I was saying, all your friends. The point is, we've learned from our mistakes - accept Hashish and possibly Rigger.  
  
Hashish: BOMBS. I mean love and groovy flower-power.  
  
Rigger: Yo, dawgs, I don't say none things that make sense in this entire musical, yo. That's wack. And another un-getto thing is the fact that over -  
  
Vinny: That's great, Rigger.  
  
Flandango: Don't you see? We all care about and wouldn't want you two to leave. So please, for our sakes, stay with us.  
  
Pablo: What?  
  
Flandango: Oh, sorry, that was just the heroi. hairline fracture.. In my hip talking. Uh. (goes to sleep)  
  
Ching-lee: I get it! We shouldn't waste our lives away from home, in unknown places because we're with people we love and familiar surroundings!  
  
(stepping off the bus.)  
  
Franco: Now we can live our lives in peace, Ching-lee.  
  
Ching-lee: Isn't it wonderful?  
  
Hong Kong Connie: See, dear, you can have a relationship and keep your friends too!  
  
Franco: I love you! The world is our oyster now.  
  
Ching-lee: Yes! Thank god, my love!  
  
Hashish: Don't you mean Allah?  
  
Franco: Shh! Quiet! In the 1940's was anyone politically correct?  
  
Hashish: Oh yeah.  
  
Ching-lee: Anyway, it's great being able to do what we want and say so. And because we're kids in the 1940's we can end the musical in glorious song and dance. (sings) Yo yo boe-bee do Yo yo boe-bee do Yo yo boe bee do do, No one's the same Everyone is strange Turn up those heels and saaayyy. Everybody is gaaayyy Turn on the jupebox and go Yo ba doby Negro! Yo yo boe-bee do Yo yo boe-bee do (Spoken) Take it, mom!  
  
Hong Kong Connie: (sings) HONG KONG CONNIE! HONG KONG CONNIE! Poke flied lice fow you! Lo lo go tee-do Lo lo go tee-do? (spoken) Liggew!  
  
Rigger: (sings) Let's do the racism raaag! Blow blow ho gee do Blow blow ho gee do Everyone's a small bit racist, no guy's not game Everyone's a small bit racist, no one is tame! So, let's do this racism rag!  
  
All: Wo wo boe bee do! Wo wo boe bee do!  
  
Rigger: (spoken) Franco! Vinnny!  
  
Franco and Vinny: (sings) Mozzarella! Mozzarella! Mozzaella for you! Da da la do! Da da la do! Da da la do! Da da la do! Hey!  
  
All: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, Do the racism rag!  
  
Bystander 1: Oy oy doy-dee doy! Oy oy doy-dee doy! Have a tequila! Have a. Tequila! Have a. Tequila! Haaave a! (spoken) Hashish!  
  
Hashish: (sings) Bombing every country is not a mistake! All the guys are doing it, Gotta bomb those people doing it Really gotta bomb 'em - Raaaag! (spoken) Mexicans!  
  
Autistic Kid's Dirt Bike Gang: So so drugee mo So so drugee mo! Cocaaiiii - (They go to sleep)  
  
All: So, turn up the beat! Burn up the streets, Don't despair, Just do not care, And fly, fly, fly.. Racism, the Musical!  
  
Exit all. 


End file.
